I dreamt I was living back in Barbados. The house, Dalney, had not been demolished and the reef was still healthy and intact. I knew I was there because the air was soft and clean and the sun warmed my bones.
I dreamt, like in the old days, I put on my wetsuit and breathing device and I swam out to the reef and dived the forty to fifty feet down to float among the antler coral and immerse myself in the animals. plants and coral. Brain coral was the best.
In real life I had many amazing experiences diving there. Once I looked under me and saw 25 Mantas. Another time I felt my leg being tickled and put my face under water to see thousands of bright blue fish. I dived through the coral and felt like a bird flying through a strange underwater forest. I used to love to swim underwater and have been seriously marked by what was there to see. I stepped on a spiny sea urchin and carried it's quill with me for nearly ten years.
Dalney, the home of the MacKenzies, had a beautiful 19th century house on the beach. It held all of the marks of British Colonialism including an old slave quarters at the back. The house had ghosts of Aunty Matilda and another Aunt who rocked an old mahogany chair on the porch.
There was a terrace that over looked the sea.
The workers in the house didn't have names . They were called Cook, Sewer, Nanny, Fixer.
I had a servant named Hamilton. We were both very surly. I was sixteen and she was probably not much older. Her sister was the laundress who came and handwashed the bedding and clothes by hand in a little bucket in the garden. She sang when she worked and I would hide to listen to her. I have never heard a more beautiful voice.
It was a strange place to live and I was there because it was my best friend's Granny's house.
It was the beginning of my political awareness because I was the grand daughter of a servant and a farm hand. I learned I was white and that many of the people who called themselves white
weren't. I felt ashamed of having white skin when I was there. I also felt ashamed of being the grand daughter of a servant. I was called an Ackey Back or something very similar. It meant white trash. Servants were search before they could go home after grueling days. I was shocked because I thought the world was equal and fair.
I also loved it there and loved the patriarch, Poppy. He was an ancient giant with no hair at all. He did push-ups on the beash. He sold all the pop in the Carribean and I didn't have water until I came home. I ate flying fish, ackee, bread fruit, delicious plaintain and avocado. All delivered on bicycles in the mornign with songs. I lived on rum and planter's punch and danced every night. Parties were called fetes. I loved my friend's father because he reminded me of James Bond and he played the Spanish guitar and taught me to play poker and was furious when he lost. He was kind, respectful and cultured and taught me some manners.
Lord Bill Montague married the MacKenzie's daughter. He was an enormous, fat man and wore a tiny bathing suit. He would scream and run down the beach yelling "TICKLES". I ran faster.
He laughed louder and happier than anyone I have ever heard.
In real life I sailed on an ancient sailing ship around the Islands and bashed my toe on an old cannon that was in the water. I swam with an enormous sea turtle and danced at the same place as Penelope Tree and the Rolling Stones. I sucked sugar cane and limes. Mangos came off the trees and bananas were like potatoes.
Life was perfect, though, when I was under the water. I still dive down and find the reef when I am doing chemo or surgery. I hear the laundry sister singing!
Earth Pigments used by Ulrike Arnold for her paintings.
Photo of Ulrike Arnold
