Love

Tim has spent since Wednesday nursing me through a rather difficult side effect.
This has included putting half teaspoons of water in my mouth and sleeping on the floor beside my bed.

He is such an incredible grown up man in the face of this. I looked at him and realized I made an actual choice to be with him. I wasn't swept away in dysfunctional fits of passion although I could have done that. And there was never a shortage of passion. It was a clean and clear choice to be with someone as stubborn and who tried as hard as I did. To recognize I needed solid, strong and smart.

I kept looking at him on the floor beside the bed in my addled state and thought he is still here. I am safe.
I never thought I would be. I never was before.

I keep reminding myself this is a drug reaction and not the very end. But for some reason it has allowed me to see into a crack of the future window.

I want someone real to find him after I am gone and sweep him up with more than I ever could. And live longer than him. So he gets this perfect love.