So sick of tests. Even sicker of the results.
Tomorrow I get dragged through a small tube backwards. Someone will be pounding it with hammers. I will not be able to panic or move at all. Lots of sedation is required and pain killers.
But the process is fascinating.
Tomorrow I start further evaluations and increased pain management.
Femke is coming to support Tim and Hilary and Jim will be there.
Thankful for true friends who only make it better and not harder.
Thankful for the pretty flowers from my son Bren. Briggy came to sit with me.
And they really, really helped. My heart is so glad for their kindness.
For the first time since early childhood I could not thread or hold a needle.
I can see the hole and see the thread but I simply can't stop the shaking long enough to accomplish the task. So what am I now? A new image beside bump on the bed is required. I will get bigger needles and try again. And buy a hundred needles for Femke and Hilary to thread.
Little Emily interrupted her class at day care because she had an announcement. She told them she would be at Sweethaven this weekend if they needed her. She is going to be with her Auntie Pat! Beyond sweet. Little red headed monkey who I love. I know her. She will climb under my covers and read me a good book. And pat my face. It is funny how kids adjust. I stand up. They look for my cane or walker. They fluff my pillows and just climb in. They often make sure I have a stuffy to hug. They demand things on my behalf. For some reason they all just understand what I need. I have watched it with the Elf and Jackson. And Emily.
And they walk into the house and find the stuff they had last visit. Set it up and settle in right after arriving.
Even the babies know something is different. They calm in my presence and snug in and fall fast asleep in the warm nest I live in. I have experienced that with Sloan, Brielle, Aurora and Mila. It is not just that they snug in it is that they sink into who I am.
One regret is that I didn't have at least one other child. But I have had the opportunity to be with so many kids. The ones who have grown up and called me Auntie still come and snuggle in. Now, though, they bring their little babies with them. What an incredible honour! I know at least a couple will remember me.