Break Out

This morning was the same disaster as every morning has been for the last few weeks and then I made a decision. I am doing something today if it kills me. It nearly did but something happened.

I told Femke that we were leaving Mayne Island for the day and she looked at me a little horrified because she saw me struggling for air and to get up. After a bathless week I stood up and climbed the stairs and got clean in the most painful shower I can remember. But clean is clean. I couldn't wash my hair or stand there long enough to have her do it. I climbed from shower straight back to bed and shivered. And decided to push past the pain.

We grabbed the ferry schedule and got dressed quickly. Femke washed my feet. It was a loving, loving act done in her gracious casual way. She was unsure if I could do it. But I did it. Not quietly.
Or elegantly.

We grabbed my drugs, my shoes, a little food and coffee and jumped in the car with the same hoopla as everything had taken this morning. The ferry had room and we were on before I was fully concious, Before Femke had her coffee. We watched the sea. Beautiful sea. and as quick as departing the car landed in Victoria.

First stop Chinatown and an amazing noodle soup in Fan Tan Alley. I drugged myself again and started with purchasing a beautiful flowered cotton kimono. Cool and soft colours. The rain was seriously pelting down. And off again. Hit the most amazing Capital Iron and found self threading needles!!!! Managed even with the shaky hands. Found fuchsia boots. Found a pattern for a poncho to ward off the chill this fall. And went to a clothing store and found some new duds. Including a Long black crepe tunic, A flowy black sweater jacket and new cotton tights and mariner pants. The weight loss means many things are too big. Femke bought a beautiful printed scarf.

Farm market next for huge bags of corn, basil, cukes, green beans and purple cauliflower.

We sat by the pretty sea and ate our supper of chilied muscles and calamari. A creamy seafood chowder. A virgin drink worked out fine. Baby tomatoes stuffed each mussel. Fresh lovely lime. All while watching the storm on the water. A woman came over and said, "You have cancer and it isn't going well. I know. I have breast cancer. There are these great ginger candies in Chinatown that gets me through what you are going through." I was stunned and wondered if this disease has now printed a warning on my forehead. She said she recognized how I was walking and the way I was holding my shoulders and protecting my head. We looked at each other in full delight! And both said,"It is day by day!". Her husband was thrilled with her and he reminded me of Tim and the enthusiasm he shows for all this effort.

Went back and waited for the ferry. Chewed gummy bears. And there were rainbows! Double rainbows! And I fell asleep in the car while Femke climbed out and charmed half the wonderful men on Mayne Island. The sunset was lighting up the water. Red sky at night sailor's delight.
And then we were home to Sweethaven. The ducks had put themselves to bed. And then we did.
After watching "My Idiot Brother".

I did it. And will do it again. I can be home and sick and in pain or take part in life while it remains possible. One works better than the other.

This was a real day!