Clouded Vision

I thought that I was going to be able to talk about textiles again but yesterday was taken up with another hospital visit.

Tim had been mentioning that his vision had seemed clouded for a few days and that he first noticed it in the hospital but thought it was his drugged state. He told me that it felt like a blind had been pulled down over half his eye.

I panicked and immediately phoned the doctor because I know that this is a sign that someone might be having a stroke or a neurological event or a torn cornea. The doctor saw us immediately and wanted to call an ambulance for us to go straight to V.G.H. Emergency. I talked him into letting my son drive Tim because he was already waiting for us downstairs. Doctor made phone calls and told us to leave right away.

The hospital was functioning past capacity and we ended up waiting despite the Docs well intended calls. Tim was in agony because there were only chairs to sit on. There was a wheeled stretcher in the hall but they wouldn't let him use it because it was listed with another department. The receptionist was kind enough to get him blankets.

Tim only had surgery two weeks ago and has just had the tubes removed. His lower body is still purple and he is able to limp around. He is still on painkillers.The hospital told us not to give him medication but I had a little stash and gave them to him despite instructions because he was really suffering. He could only stand after awhile. Firm advocating had him moved up a little in line.

He collapsed onto the bed in the emergency department and we waited for another hour. Emergency nurse came took blood. Emergency Doctor came and ordered blood work. Machines came and went. More blood. Pressures standing, laying and sitting were taken. More machines.
Emergency Doctor sent in an Oculist. Lights, cameras, action! They took more blood and told us to make way to another center where the Eye Clinic is located.

The walk to the eye clinic was unbearable. We arrived at a completely closed four story building and sat in a bench to rest. The Oculist opened the doors and we walked in followed by three of our offspring. they had the place to themselves and Tim and I were rushed into an amazing little visual fields location and more testing was done. We had been warned that it was very serious but they wanted to make sure we didn't wait to get an answer. Very thorough testing and the Doc told us he had difficult news.

Turns out that at some point during Tim's surgery he had lack of oxygen to his optic nerve. the nerve became inflamed and has partially died. Either that or he had a small blood clot despite the fact the surgeon was trying to make sure his pressure was kept steady. It kept falling and he was on pneumatic stockings that pumped at different times with different chambers going for four days.

Tim has been referred to a Ocular Neurologist for Monday or Tuesday to find out if there is further damage. As it stands he has lost half his vision in his left eye and there is a good chance it won't come back.

Once again he was a trooper. We were allowed to go home and we collapsed for hours.

Current Mood: Completely Pissed and Very Sad.

Inspiring Blogs

I read lots of blogs. They serve different purposes for me. I think that I like the voyeuristic aspect of watching people reveal themselves through time.

I have some favourites.

I love Arlee Barr's blogs. She is more energetic with this work than anyone I have internet met before. I studied at the same school as she did at different times. I have lived in a few of the same places. At different times. I love how accessable her blog is and how descriptive and passionate and reliable. I love watching her work develop and her lack of self conciousness at revealing her processes and history. I like her work. http://arleebarr.squarespace.com/

I love looking at Deb Lactavia's blog. It is rich and revealing and colourful. I want to hang out on her porch and drink ice tea and watch her work. I can imagine her pouring rainbow vats of colour everywhere and waving a wand and making them work. http://morewgalo.blogspot.com/

Maggie Grey's blog is delightful with it's information and inspiration. I want to be her when I grow up a little more in this work.
http://magstitch.blogspot.com/

Susan Sorrell's blog makes me laugh. Gut laugh. She is funny and talented. http://creativechick.com/

Marchi Weirson's blog is filled with little treasures and inspiration. http://marchiweirson.blogspot.com/

Abigail Doan's blog is a favourite because her work is so important. She appears to live such an integrated life with a special dedication for our world. I like watching her babies grow and seeing where she travels. http://abigaildoan.blogspot.com/

I like Kirsten Chursinoff's blog because it is pretty and I can track her. http://kirstensfabricart.blogspot.com/

I like Bruce Elkin's blog because it reminds me of common sense and keeping track. I like the way he writes. http://createwhatmattersmost.blogspot.com/

Carol Taylor has a beautifully formatted blog and lovely work.
http://postcards-and-stuff.blogspot.com

I just read the new book Consequential Strangers- The Power of People Who Don't Seem TO Matter...But Really Do Melinda Blau and Karen L. Fingerman, Phd W.W. Norton and Company. It is about the importance of casual relationships in our lives and how we are so impacted by relationships that are far away from our immediate circle but that have impact on our decisions, creativity and feelings of well being. This certainly has proven itself to me in the last few weeks since Tim has been so very ill. I haven't felt isolated and have been offered help, support and practical advice from people I have never met.

Tubes Out!

Tim went to the hospital this morning and his tubes all came out. He is doing very well according to the Oncologist.

Home again and I had a melt down. Just exhausted because of all the hard work and the fact Tim got up at 4:30 AM with anxiety and started worrying about everything but the procedure.
The place fell apart because I just couldn't do it anymore. It is coming back together now. Dishes nearly done, bed changed, bandage changed, patient fed and cleaned up and garments prepared. I managed a short nap after losing my patience and temper.

I need to get a little more help and drafted Meg and Bren to do a few practical things. Delegate and use a few more offers of help. Else I will turn into a terrible bitch.

Dreaming again about a studio and little farm in France. Called Kat and she said she would do any translation for documents I need. She told me to check out Normandy. Frank called and told me he found a nice house in Tuscany and I could just stay there for awhile after this all was a memory.

Will be disciplined when I get a little more energy and enter a new miniature show. I might just get kids to care for Tim for a few hours and just lock myself in my studio. Ten minutes a day in the office will be fine for now.

He is past the point now of pulling out tubes, probing his stitches, breaching his sterility, duct taping his leg and spilling the medications. He is stressing a lot about little things and is being very demanding because this is so stressful. I had a bath and he went into the garden and picked me rhubarb. He isn't supposed to bend over. I guess he wanted me to cook him rhubarb. Later or tonight.

He might need a diversion besides me. I will get him to start drawing the plans for my city chicken coop. The weather has been too wet for him to enjoy the porch or the garden. Tomorrow he sits outside in a rain coat for awhile. He hates being trapped in the house. He will be allowed to drive later this week if he doesn't take a pain killer.

The hard part isn't the work but the watchfulness. Always have to be aware or able to hear.

Tubes Out Tomorrow

Tim's tubes come out tomorrow. It looks like we have managed to get through part two.
We find out what part three is tomorrow morning.He is raw and uncomfortable with the tubes but he is up and making me coffee.

I had hoped to enter a miniature show in Parksville but will have to wait for next year.

First things first.

Will try and catch up on my books today.

Can\t wait to write about cloth again.

Lillies and Laughter

Christine arrived today bearing beautiful live lillies. She made us laugh. Tim has to use a pillow to hold his innards in when he laughs but he managed to chortle away. She jumped on a plane to see them, they were horrible and she jumped back on plane the next morning and came all the way home to Vancouver.

What could be funnier than other people's distress at crazy relatives? Mine are crazy enough for all of us and hers are good companions to mine.

Today I let obligations fall by the wayside, rented movies, and ate take-out. Tonight I still have the laundry and dishes but they will get done. Tim looks safe and well.

Tim's sweet cousin Margaret phoned from Canforth in Northern England and told us not to visit the south again. She said we are born Northerners with our radical ideas and need to laugh. She is a professor in Cumbria. I love it there and don't have the heart to tell her I was born in Quebec to an Irish mother. She thinks my family all live in Yorkshire for some reason. My Chauncey ancestors came from there centuries ago and the house still exists but my English cousins live near London in a place called Rickmansworth. Same street since the 1300's or something.

Turns out that Tim's Aunt Alberta told Tim's father George that old Aunty Margaret had died and George thought it was Cousin Margaret and sympathy calls arrived at Aunt Alberta's house. Everyone went into a panic because they thought Cousin Margaret had died. Cousin Margaret called to assure us she was alive and kicking and that Aunt Margaret died a good death in her sleep at 93.

Also turns out that Cousin Fiona is about to marry a man from the Nederlands. This now means we have likable family in a favourite country in Europe.

Will have a toast for old Aunt Margaret and one for Cousin Margaret just to celebrate life.

Here is to gene pools!

Tired

Did I tell you how very tired I feel?

Future Planning

Tim is very aware and bright now. His ability to move from close to death to fully alive has been astounding. All tubes will be removed on June 1. He is no longer taking opiates for pain and is managing with a mild pain killer. He insisted on having his hair washed today and went out of the house for a small walk. He wanted to go alone.

This means transitioning from full care nurse to watchful companion and help mate. Very hard to do because I am naturally hyper-vigilant. Did it anyway. It is his life and he needs some privacy now that there is little danger from his lowered blood pressure and drugged state. His tissues are healing beautifully. So is his spirit. He asked me to sit down and start making future plans today.

Plans are a good idea but we are not sure what is required for him medically yet. It could mean more surgery, radiation and chemo. I learned that planning needs to be very flexible when going through something this big but that planning creates hope.

I haven't had much time for art because I am it right now. I start working solid from early morning until late at night. Clothing changes happen a few times a day. So do sponge baths, feeding, cleaning up, tons of laundry and sterilizing. Tim has to eat five times a day and have lots of fluids that need to be prepared. It is rather like looking after a small baby who is completely articulate and able to express both pleasure and displeasure. He isn't completely helpless but knocks me off kilter when he tries to "help". I am so tired that I need to maintain a rhythm and create energy to get everything done.

Tim looked after me for a very long time to get me well. It worked. He knows what he is doing.

Watched Avatar tonight and had hoped for more. Wonder about the need for such awful battles.
Like the idea of coming together for healing and energy and loved the images of the earth wrapping around those needing healing. Octavia Butler also uses that kind of imagery in healing using plant vessels.

I need more plants!