A Room of My Own

Today Jay hands me back her keys to the studio. It means that her loom and all the lovely things she has had in the studio for more than a year will be gone. It means her delicate sensibility will no longer greet me when I come in the door. I will miss that.

Today I will place a long white piece of cotton on the floor from the front to the back of the studio and place dripping rusty objects on it. I will tape a black fabric to the window in folds and see how the sun bleaches it. I will start to build a large fume box and will pound nails into the wall and use the room as an enormous loom. The possibilities seem endless.

I have some larger contracts to get on with for January and February.

The front of the studio is now going to have a small library and a little gallery for my work and inspirational objects. My favourite armchair is going to be placed in it.

Now I have room for my huge print table and my second heat press. The drafting table can get set up and my desk can come back in. The model's platform can get set up again.

Today for a little while though there will be enough room to take a little dance around the room.

This will all be o-kay if I don't fall on my face!

Models and Friends

I have had a few years to think about what happens when you model for someone or when they model for you. It creates a remote and strange kind of intimacy.

Years ago I modeled for trade shows, sexy girl shots and ethereal rock and roll girl shots. A couple of jobs included cheesecake excercise machine promos, lingerie and fur coats and a few " Hi! I'm Patti your hostess with the mostest " corporate solicitations. Very long ago and far away!

I also spent time modeling for artists and photographers. A job that was far more enjoyable. It made me feel useful and part of the art process. Only occassionally did I feel possessive about the work created from my image.

Modeling had a remoteness to it that was really appealing. I became an object that communicated through movement and gesture. I was also dancing at the time and was used to performance through the body. It was rather like the experience of dancing but with huge gaps in between movements. It required concentration and inhibition like dance. It was also strenuous in a completely different way.

I became more centered in myself and only was uncomfortable when other people besides the artists were involved. They became a distraction that was not part of the art making process. They made it so I lost my concentration or my mood. They were not part of the experience for me.

I don't remember becoming attached to the artists. I was there to work and so were they. Only occassionally did I feel distracted by what they were doing. Usually something jarring happened like a ruler dropped or a door slammed dragging me back to this earth. Sometimes I would get cold or get a sharp cramp. Distracting as it was I held my pose.

I had an artist for a husband once and modeled for him. This was a completely different experience and intimacy was natural and required. I also was involved with a man who was a photographer who spent time stealing my image when I was completely unprepared. It was an assaultive experience but some of the photographs were extraordinary and rather strange. I am sure that he relied on my shock at the flash for his images.

I have also used models many times. Women and men. I find most men to be completely hopeless at the skill. They twitch and wiggle and try to tell me what to do with my own process.
Women are more compliant probably more by training than by nature. They listen to instruction better and become less concerned about controlling the situation. Occasionally, however, there are men who make my favourite models. They just understand what I want and give it to me.

This New Year I am going to model for an artist I admire. It will be a very odd experience because I am so altered now with illness and the process of healing. I am older, fatter and less able to stay still. I also hope to use one of my favourite models very soon or will have to put out a very concentrated search for someone that works as well. Perhaps I will even figure out how to model for myself.

Tentacles

Bones Jeina Morosoff Glass with Windows

I gave Brendan some glass tentacles made by Jeina Morosoff for Christmas and he gave some to me. That was funny until I gave Meghan a picnic basket which was the same as the one she gave to her mum. Then I gave my buddy the same socks she gave me. Dane only got one of his presents by mail and Steph had to pull a twofer shift. My phone ran out of batteries and I actually missed Tim's call.

I spent the last few days so ill that I either lived in the bathroom or lived on the couch. I couldn't hold food or water. I spent Christmas in quarantine and Lexy and Lizzy actually spent all Christmas Eve in the Emergency Room.

I am now inspired by the extremity of it all and am making dolls and planning my big wall projects. I just about have enough nerve to ask my favourite model to do castings with me.
The studio is mine in just a few more days.

I am so glad to start a new chapter and a new series of work. That will go well with the New Year.

Happy New Year!

Snowed In

I got an e-mail from my oldest child telling me that he missed the bus from Toronto to Winnipeg. There is a monstrous storm and he has about 25 hours travelling time ahead.
I am glad he missed the bus. I have been mother pacing all over the floor to-day thinking about him being on the road during a horrible blizzard.

I realized this morning that I will actually be alone for Christmas if my step-son Chris isn't able to get here. Tim leaves Wednesday morning to get back to Ontario to be with his ancient but charming father. Bren has been spirited away by Meghan and her family and step son Steph is with his mother. I haven't been alone at Christmas....ever.

There are lots of invitations but none appeal half as much as a day staying in my cozy bed and crawling out if someone shows up. The food will be prepared and waiting in the fridge and if no one comes it will get eaten later.

Three presents arrived today. Two from Lyn Fabio in Whitehorse. She sent me the most fragrant Christmas Cake and a beautiful hand stitched ornament. They were contained in a package that smelled of hide and wood smoke. It was completely unexpected and delightful.
The other gift was given by Tim. Beautiful, baltic blue- green camel leather curly toed Morrocan shoes. I have lusted after them for ages. They fit like a soft glove. They look like elf shoes. Now they are mine! Now I will have to decorate my boudoir to match and make a new robe.

I will send things away tomorrow. Some made... some bought. My favourite is little china tea sets for my tiny nieces, Kaitlyn, Charlotte and Danielle. I have also given them little Chinese silk pajamas like my own children wore. Instructions state "only to be worn for play".

Every year I try to find one person to get a financial gift with instructions to pay it forward. This has mostly worked with interesting consequences. I have done this for years because someone did it for me when I was really poor and struggling. I was given a fairly substantial amount of money that has not yet been paid forward fully. I still have a few days to find my next hapless victim. I like it because it isn't charity. It is social investment.

So I'll lift up my glass to "Justice Not Charity", have a warm bubble bath and relish my time alone.

Inspiration

Clouds from the Mid-west off a train

Cobblestone Street

Reptile Images from New York

Image collection from the dirt near Drumheller, Alberta near where my family lived. The red coloured stones are petrified wood from an ancient forest.

Every year I go on one or two little journeys for the sole purpose of gathering inspiration for my image library. It is made up of images from surfaces or objects that jingle that gatherer part of myself. Images being much easier to drag home than old rusty metal or cracks in the sidewalk.

I don't just gather imagery on the journeys but rather compulsively all the time. Clippings are scattered all over. Books that have one line or beautiful illustration or cracked covers. Containers filled with objects like bug wings, shells and rocks. Vases with feathers and plant pods. Shattered rear view mirrors. I guess that is why I also collect containers and display cases.

I met a lovely man with unusual eye glasses named Rob at the East Side Culture Crawl last month who clearly understood my need for collecting. He said he had a collection of old lab equipment and containers. He described himself as a pack rat. He also described the most delicious collection of stuff.

Ivan Sayers is a local fashion historian. He collects old clothing from every era he can. He brings his amazing collections to schools, art galleries and museums. I visited him once and there were collections of wonderful textiles everywhere.

I once worked for a wonderful politician. She was dedicated and honest. She worried about people when they were troubled. She worked herself to exhaustion. She was also a self described "Magpie". We would go shopping sometimes and see some glitzy bauble and she would say."EWWWWW, Shiny, Pretty!".

There don't seem to be many surface designers who are the neat and orderly type. I have been in many textile studios and surface designers, mixed media artists and embroiderers seem to thrive in a more chaotic environment. They aren't like most water colour artists or other painters who seem to like more pristine environments.

I once tried to live in a serene environment with muted colours and monastic influence. Things were painted pale blues, ivory and aspirin white. I allowed white bedding, towels and furniture.

It felt freezing cold all the time. I obsessed about marks and dust rather like my spotless and organized mum did when I was a child. My little boy sat on the ivory covered couch looking stiff and uncomfortable. He said he felt itchy and twitchy. He told me he had a dream where we lived like before. He said there were piles of cloth on the floor and he could find things.

I don't know if we can find things easily but don't think my messy adult children feel itchy and twitchy anymore. They grew up in a household that was inspiring to them and to me. They are very creative people and have creative lives. I think that had more to do with collections than spotless environments.

Dreaming Over and Over

Sea Urchin Shell detail

Last night I had one vivid dream after another. It was inspiration gone wild. Each dream was about making or viewing something amazing. This probably had to do with the fact my main cuddle bud brought home Memphis Blues Bar-B-Que last night and that Arlee Barr suggested to keep a sketch book by the bed. We also watched the "Rape of Nanking" before bed and it was devastating.

I dreamt about twisted and rusted wires that were draped in skins and hanging from the ceiling

like smoky old carcasses. Then the dream was about silver boxes that were patinated and carved to reflect light from mirrors and candles. I spent time carving soaps into tiny heads that were cast in plaster and covered in leaves that were burnt. Batiking on paper and silk to make reptile patterns and poked through with rusted wires and pins. Globes made with internal light sources and placed in snow caves for heat and delight. Spectacular silver and tin jewelry was made into seed pods with objects held inside. All to the sound of bees buzzing (which turned out to be the bathroom fan)

I also dreamt about writing poems in the snow with black pebbles. The words kept washing away but I kept trying to write them despite the futility. I woke up exhausted and fell back to sleep to dream of forgiveness and atonement. No doubt influenced by an argument with my removed Catholic mother. It seems I am always asking for forgiveness or trying to forgive. A habit from childhood for all naughty girls. The f---ing drama of the Irish despite the displacement.

I woke up to a phone call asking me to look on my e-mail for a photograph of perfection.

It was of Juliet's new little baby boy now named Daniel. Totally perfect and new.

Source of inspiration for today

http://www.baharal-gnida.com/

Mending Socks

HJS Studio Holly Schaltz Darning Socks

I am going to have to confess depression. It has been very hard to find anything to write because this is my worst time of year. I am not a Christmas person anymore.

My friend Mary Ellen reminded me that I often go for a slump after I have pumped up for a show. This year I did two at once. I thought I was just tired from that but I haven't been feeling well for more than a month and it seems that going back to the doctor is my only option.

The thing about breast cancer is that tiredness isn't ever looked at as tiredness. It is looked at as a reason for tons of tests. I'm just not in the mood. Unfortunately sadness has elevated my pain levels and being ill has made me irritable and grumpy with everyone. I keep picking up and putting down my brushes, heat guns and needles.

I have been talking to Lyn Fabio and she is recovering from surgery and has gobs of energy. She has been working with gut and has been exploring all kinds of things. Her theory is that we need to sleep lots this time of year.

Time to pull out the heavy quilts, look for a cooperative cuddle buddy and tuck in for a snore. Maybe I'll dream something more inspiring than mending socks.

White

I woke up this morning to snow on the ground. No had stepped in it or driven through it. Just silence and white. No one got up with the sun on Commercial Drive but me.



I have been thinking about white for awhile. I had this dream where a huge cloth just stitched in white. Variations in colour only given with shadow. Texture becomes more important.

Torturing Poor Charlotte

Poor Charlotte Suffering The Curse Of The First Born

Here is an example of an extreme use of textiles.

This poor baby is my lovely neice Melissa's daughter Charlotte. She has been forced to wear an Elf's costume and is expressing a similar sentiment to my own regarding Christmas excess.

Don't worry Charlotte... you will get back at everyone when you turn two. Now, however, you have just turned one and there will be plenty of time to plot.

New Baby Boy

Juliet at 34 weeks

Juliet has had her new little baby boy! He was born last night at 7:30 and weighed 6 pounds 7 ounces and had an APGAR rating of 9. He is bright eyed, latched on and lifted his little head.

The labour lasted nearly 3 days and the birth was assisted by forceps. It was dramatic but all are well and amazed at this life thing now. Daddy Roy was overheard commenting that he now understands why people need to love their mother.

I am a new "Aunty". Self proclaimed, of course! Status to be confirmed when I finish baby's bunting.

More Questions Than Answers

Notions Robin Ripley Newey's World

Notions Robin Ripley Newey's World

Threaded Robin Ripley

Robin Ripley is an artist whose work I have loved for years. She is another Vancouver artist who seems to inhabit a place in my brain. Her work is moving for me. I always feel like I have explored something and come away satisfied when I witness it.

Robin and I are mutual fans. I seek out her work for comfort and connection. I also find it gives more questions to ask and layers of mystery to uncover. I have an overwhelming art crush on Robin Ripley

See more of her work at www.RobinRipley.com

Air Float

Theo Jansen's Strandbeests roaming the beaches

I am floating on air. I had the best day working with Kyd Campbell in my studio. She is only here from Montreal for a while but she never ceases to provide me with inspiration.

I came home to an e-mail from Abigail Doan, one of my most favourite artists ever, and she wrote something lovely about my work on her beautiful blog. She also sent me gorgeous pictures of her tiny twins and they look well cared for and healthy. How she finds time to write and be creative is beyond me.

Naughty Peter has sent me the most glorious images of Theo Jansen's kinetic creatures called "Strandbeests" that are roaming the beaches in Holland. They already haunted my imagination and have been nurtured by someone else so they can roam. They are artgasm!

Check out

http://strandbeest.com/ For Theo Jansen's work

http://abigaildoan.blogspot.com For a beautiful blog and to see some of my images

Face Book

I set up a Face Book Account last night and have learned a few things.

1. People with very large, crazy families should think twice about using a real name.
2. People with a range of interest should expect a range of characters writing to them.
3. People who are techno peasants should understand that other people expect a lot from them.
4. People use funny things to send you funny things.
5. God can find you on-line! Even if you are an atheist.
6. Crazy people come from crazy families.
7. People you want to cuddle probably shouldn't be on the same Face Book list with your old Aunt. My aunts could shock anyone!
8. Your children will think you are spying on them.
9. You will think your children are spying on you.
10. Sometimes people remember you when you don't remember them.
11. Sometimes people remember you by naughty names and never did know your real name!
12. Sometimes people remember someone who has the same name as you. That is awkward!

Perhaps I will change my name to Priscilla Pluckwhistle and see what happens.

Labouring Away

Juliet has lost her plug and has started her labour. She has decided to go for a visit with friends and is out in the snow. The snow is wet and thick and coming down heavily. I want her to go home and call the doctor. The snow is extreme today.

The baby appears to be small and is early by two weeks.

She was also very small and early like every brilliant person in her mother's family. A baby is rarely born to them weighing more than 5 pounds. My babies, however, were monsters in contrast and at least three weeks late.

Juliet's husband Roy has started the nesting part of this labour. He is obsessing about cleaning the apartment and cooking. He is from Israel and hasn't really been in this kind of snow before. Her mother is madly knitting a double knit blanket. It is incredibly warm.

I think this baby will be the next Jewish princess! I can't wait to meet her. I remember meeting her mom! I have known Juliet, her mother and her grandmother. I know her sister and her mother's sister and her grandmother's sister. They have all fit into my life perfectly.

Juliet cared for me when I was ill. She was very young and managed to help me through some of the more hideous aspects of my illness. She did it without upset or hysteria. I think she will be the most wonderful mother!

When Juliet was three I made her a doll that was life sized. She was tiny with little twig legs and the loudest voice I ever heard in a child. She tied towels on her tiny shoulders and rode her power wheels screaming down the road stark naked. We cared for her in shifts because she was so wild. She loved Wonda Wolan! (Wonder Woman)

Good luck to the staff when Juliet goes into transition. They will see what "Wonda Wolan" can do!

After Garments

There is an entire world of garments that I didn't know existed.There is a fashion world for the dead. Garments to be worn for burial and cremation. These garments are available through every funeral director.

I first ran into the idea of burial garments when researching vintage patterns for infant wear. I didn't realize that an entire fashion industry existed for the dead. I thought everyone was like my family where upon death a family member was dispatched to the deceased closet to retrieve a favourite garment. My granny was beautifully dressed in lavenders and pinks. She had chosen a a pink colour scheme for her funeral in the same way a bride would for a wedding. Granny had every detail planned.

I know that I thought about which songs would be played at my memorial. Janis Joplin would belt one out for me. This gave some comfort to mourn myself when I was sick. I wanted to be buried with my boots on. My father had fantasies of us hoisting him up a mountain in a cardboard box and dumping him over some cliff. His ashes are still rolling around my brother's truck waiting for the perfect forest trail or fishing trip. My Newfoundland family told stories of old men propped up in the corner of the parlour with a beer in one hand and passing gas one last time.

"Near cleared the house, we ran in every direction. Jesus, Mary and Joseph... we's sure he'd come back to life!"

I always imagined them dressed in smoky, green cardigans
There are now beautiful and serene outfits for the deceased including false fronts and capelets.
There are men's and women's garments that are offered in a wide range of colours including a powerful, raging red. There are even a range of coverings with choice of puppy and kitty patterns for your beloved pet. Babies can wear halos if you want.

Gone are the days of the plain pine box. No more ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Now there are "fashion" consultants to dress us for our special day.

Attachments

Mummified Baby from China

Crocheted outfits made for dead babies include "Angel Dolls"

Very tiny booties

Everything strangely perfect

There is this strange culture of attachment that we seem to nurture as human beings.

While looking for baby clothing patterns I ran across this site. Crochet Patterns Central in a section called burial garments.

There are a group of people, mostly women, who want to make sure that infants who died in late term pregnancy or as still births are given lovely wardrobes. They need the small "sleeping babies" to have warm, crocheted sweaters, blankets and little outfits to keep them warm and to comfort the grieving parents. The outfits are made for "Angels". They offer patterns to volunteers to make up the clothing and tell them where the clothing is needed. The sizes are called ultra preemie and would really fit a doll.

I have been with friends and family when children have died. My nephew Christopher died as a small child and the grief was terrible. His parents chose to dress him in his tiny leather jacket while wearing his favourite cool guy shades for burial. Tim's mother lost a baby in late term pregnancy and kept it in a pickle jar. She was very upset by people's shocked reaction to being showed it. She kept it for awhile because it was so "perfect" and she couldn't figure out what killed it. A more "scientific" interest took the place of her grief.

I feel very unsettled by this attachment to the departed. Even more so with departed pets. Maybe because I spent so much time hovering near death. I know that it has always been this way. Even ancient people kept remains of loved ones and mummified tiny, premature babies. It just seems very, very strange to me.

Baby Bunting

Juliet, my lovely friend , is expecting her little baby in a few more days and I need to make a baby bunting and a few little outfits. I also want to make her a little swaddling blanket of soft material.

I have found a few patterns for all but am wondering where more are.

Swaddling cloths aren't used much anymore or are called receiving blankets or something.
There might be something in the stash of baby clothes left over from the boys. There was a little nightie with long sleeves that had a drawstring at the bottom to keep wee feet warm. The pattern was Irish and about two hundred years old but it is stored away somewhere safe to be found years from now. My mother's friend Liz drew it for me when Dane was a baby. I hope it is still around.

I will crochet some Irish lace booties and a little bonnet from another old pattern.

As soon as I get the CSI's finished. Maybe the baby will be a little late to give me a bit more time. There is always a rush for due dates and deadlines.

Extreme Process

The hooorooorr!

My house is an example of extreme textile process. There is debris and torn paper everywhere. The living room is the most organized and I can't find the floor yet.

I worked in both the house and the studio for the last two months almost without a break.
Tim and I tore paper, made emulsions and glues, did the paper mache and the burning here.

The house has actually got soot on the windows. There is glue on the living room floor where we watched t.v. and movies while doing the paper mache. The gut dried better in the house so it too is stuck to surfaces.

Ryan, my death metal relative, arrived for a visit in the middle of all the production and left taking all his stuff from the last visit. This means I can find storage for some of the remains of the shows and for supplies next time. I just have to play Rubik's Cube for awhile to figure it out.

I met with some Guild buddies yesterday to plan a new project and they commented on how organized the studio looked. They would have fled if I had invited them home.

How do you get glue off an old wooden floor anyways? Perhaps a blow torch will do!

As soon as I get my CSI stuff finished and mailed to Arlee!

Wrapping It Up

Inspirational Objects collected through my life.

Celine discussing my work with a Tibetan Monk. An amazing conversation!

The "Wonderland "show at Numen Gallery has now been dismantled and hauled to the studio and home. The globes are like little abandoned beings looking out from glass cases, pouring out of bags and sitting on shelves without context.

Only a few pieces sold at the show. Most were small and not expensive. The difference between showing in a small gallery and at a huge event like the East Side Culture Crawl.

No matter because this was my favourite show. The experience of getting to know Scott and Celine, the thoughtfulness and care they put into installation, the interest and professionalism Celine maintained during the show was wonderful. It was exciting and an honour to be the first show in a brand new gallery.

I loved the work by the other artists in the Numen Gallery. It has also been carefully selected and presented. The space itself has been constructed to be a serene oasis. There is a presence of calm and beauty. The kind that lingers after the door is closed and the lights go out. The calm that stays with you and is savoured for later.

A few globes have been invited to stay at Numen. They will nestle there with the other work and look out on the excitement of the next show.

Prissy

White Diana in a white room in the Louvre. Photo Tim G.A. Hurley

Peevish, prissy, controlling and pedantic. I have trouble navigating through some personalities. That personality is the hardest for me to deal with. In art and in life.

It is interesting to me that some of the most productive and successful artists I know are not like that. They are productive and generous. They produce work that is precise and careful but they allow for growth and change. Experimentation is an important part of what is needed to create work that is leading edge.

What is the difference between art and craft?

There may not be a large difference, these days, with so many artsits and crafts people blurring lines. But there are still artists who don't take time to master any technique. Those who focus on concept alone and lose capacity to communicate to others in the process. Then there are crafts people who are obsessed with traditional process and precision who communicate nothing at all but a catalogue of techniques.

I have noticed that the public is sometimes prepared to settle for little because they are mystified by process. They lack a basic education about how to interpret what they see.
They have been overexposed to the "church basement craft fair". I also see artists willing to exploit by taking advantage of that ignorance. Craftspeople who use commercial products and patterns that they parade as their own.

One of my favourite experiences was a show held at the American Folk Art Museum in New York. There was a room full of quilts that were all worked in white. The room danced with difference when the eyes adjusted. Each quilt was white cotton or linen stitched with white threads. Some were precise and some wild. Not one of them was prissy, pedantic or controlled.
Every quilt expressed personality and originality.

I want to strive for that white quilt but never the pristine.

Smallies

Small globes without encrustation on Mermaid Cloth Patricia Chauncey 2007

Numen Gallery has just contacted me regarding my smallest globes. Wahoo.
They are still intricate and take a fraction of the time to create. People seem to like them because they are palm sized. Three were stolen at the Crawl.

I sold three larger works last night and they have a good home not far from where I live.
Three larger commisions from the East Side Culture Crawl are still in discussion. They are custom work, more complicated and expensive.

Yesterday I spoke with another documentary t.v. person about my work. I have known her since she was a little girl. Her mother is an amazing activist and academic who encouraged me to think about going back to school to study textiles. I would love to work with her on a project.

Things have gone so well that I fly solo in the studio in January. This decision was made over the last few weeks and solidified through the weekend. The time for cowardice is gone. It is also time to concentrate more on my own work and less on petty interactions.

My studio sublet, Jay Rudolph, has been offered a shared studio on Granville Island at the Silk Weaving Studio. I am thrilled for her because I know this will serve to enhance her craft opportunities and reputation regarding her lace making and weaving. She has just returned from a teaching gig in New York. Self reported as very successful.

Naughty Peter keeps sending me very funny posts this month. He dropped by the Crawl and made me happy. Some people thrive when in difficulty. "Up for the scrap", my Irish granny used to say. The same one used to say, "Better strife than boredom!" Hmmmm?

I just hope we all have less!

Maybe I should call my next large embroidery "Better strife than boredom!"

Finished Crawling

What can I say?

I am not sure when I will stop floating on air. The East Side Culture Crawl went far better than ever imagined. There were amazing people, wonderful feedback and a fistful of dollars. There are really so many opportunities that have come from this that I have to sit down and make choices.

Tim and I sat down and made some decisions about what direction to travel. Decisions always require changes and leaving what exists to move on to what will become. Bravery is required. It is easy to be braver when there is enough security to do that.

I asked some hard questions about what I require for my process and creativity to thrive, about how to improve my work and how to plan ahead. Some answers came easy. Other answers will take a little more time.

My life changed drastically when I stopped working to survive cancer. I never thought that my career could or even should continue in the same direction. But kissing something goodbye isn't always the end of it. Sometimes opportunities come back and are greater than they were when left behind.

Sometimes people return and touch you again. This weekend two important people returned.
One was a wonderful comfort and my muse. The other almost fainted and collapsed for awhile because she really thought I was dead. She had buried me and put me in the place of memory. Only I was standing in front of her and making noise and leaping about. I had also let her go because she had moved to Europe and had gone on to the most wonderful things. But there she was!

So today I start working with the gifts that are new and the ones that return.

As soon as my poor head stops spinning!

East Side Culture Crawl

This weekend is one of the biggest weekends for artists in East Vancouver. Many studios are open and the community is invited in.

People are very excited about having the chance to talk with artists about their work and techniques. I am always delighted by how thoughtful the questions are and by how carefully most people treat the objects.

How lovely to have the opportunity to be there while people interact with my work.

I will be at the studio today from 11 until 6 and again tomorrow.

Ancestors

This is a picture of Jane Garten Swinney. I am trying to figure out how old she was in this picture. She was born in 1801. She was my Great Great Great Great Grandmother. Her parents were Griffith Garten and Hannah Killer. She was the mother of 11 children. She was described as a good and useful woman. She was also cared for nursing babies for 25 years which would make her a wet nurse.

Her mother was named Hannah Killer. She was Dutch.

Hanging Shows

I am not very perfectionistic about most things but I am really fussy when it comes to hanging shows.

Celine Rumalean is even more so and really helped me concentrate on what look I wanted for the exhibition at Numen.

This weekend Jay, Hilary and I are hanging the show for the East Side Culture Crawl. Hilary has spent lots of time considering how her work will be displayed. She has considered each unit for her installation. I have purchased glass cases and am showing in containers similar to a "Cabinet of Curiosities". I have perspex frames for each piece and also show in shadow boxes and frames.
Only a few things are loose.

Jay had beautiful framing for her tapestry weavings that were shown at the Craft House . I know she has delightful pieces of silver lace that she has bobbin woven and some pretty opera shawls. She is also planning on doing some demonstartions through the weekend. Her lace making equipment is quite exciting to look at.

I am always afraid that more than one artist in the studio will make it take on a craft fair feeling, which I hate. Textiles need to be displayed with respect to help people understand they are a serious art form. The studio is designed with walls that cover existing shelves and with movable pony walls. Our equipment and materials will go behind the false walls and disappear.

I hope that, despite group think, it will look serious and contemporary. We got many compliments last year.

Broken

Well...holy s..t!

I have 2 days until the TV interview and 4 days before hanging the East Side Culture Crawl and my sewing machine crapped out, threw sparks and died a not very elegant death. I guess it had a problem sewing through animal bones, the skins and poly plastic dripping with silicone. Maybe it was the cement powder or the stinking latex. Who knows?

Well there is no time to stress out over it and another plan must be made. Suicide is not an option. No one here is impressed by my tears.

I am hand sewing pupae cases. Hand rolling hems and wait for it....doing embroidery by hand.
I dragged everything home tonight and will attempt to do my devore from the house, roar up the washing machine for dyeing and pole wrap until I faint. Pole wrap not pole dance!

Tim has kindly offered to do some papier mache and his is much more precise and far smoother. I almost don't want to coat it with the emulsions but something must be shown with expected crustiness.

I am still an adrenalin junkie. This is all kind fun!

Crawling Forward

The Crawl is now a week away. The energy at the Williams Street Studios is at an all time high. The activity and social interaction is everywhere. People are buzzing with effort and adhesives which were so strong that I could even smell it.

My studio was full of activity today. Jay has filled the place with beautiful shibori shawls and hand made silver lace jewelry. My area is crammed with projects and remnants of the last months activities. Tina's machine is throwing sparks'

I looked again at my CSI challenge pieces which are supposed to have something to do with the plaques of Egypt. Not as bad as I remember. Little pictures were loaded into frames because they sold well at last year's crawl. New globes got started.

Gut globes and baskets are also covering my dining room table. I didn't bring them into my studio today when I met with Lyn Fabio and her partner Norman. Because I forgot them.
Lyn was so sharing and told me so much more about working with gut. She uses up to twenty layers and builds supports. She introduced me to new preservation techniques. She encouraged me to talk about my own process and inspired me all over again. the gut world needs to know two words...paste wax!

Lyn functions at a very high level in her thinking about art and textiles. She is often isolated in a world of Quilty people. She takes the time to educate herself and attends the Surface Design conferences in Kansas. She knew about the Korean shows and compared some information.
I am so excited when I speak with her. It is more so in the meetings we have had.

Lyn may have an opportunity to travel to Russia and workshop with people in Siberia. They don't have access to hog or sheep gut. They have offered her reindeer gut. Wow. She has already been invited to use gut from musk Ox, walrus and seal in Alaska. The Yukon people let her try some whale gut which is highly prized as food. It didn't work very well. She has also tried caribou and is using fish skins.

I really need to make an effort to stay in touch because we have so much to share.

Her wonderful partner Norman made contact this time and let me know that Lyn was going for surgery. She is so healthy in other ways that I know it will go well tomorrow.

Lyn is a choclatier and a chef, just to put icing on her cake . She left me with beyond delicious handmade chocolates which I ate and used as bargaining chips with Jay, LaDonna and Tina today. Oh good God!

Good Luck tomorrow Lyn.

Gut Instinct

Lyn Fabio has come to town. She taught me how to work with gut a few years ago.
She lives and works in Whitehorse and has now been published in the Surface Design Association Magazine.

She makes the most spiritually charged vessels using a variety of guts and fish skins.
Her aesthetic is ancient and contemporary at the same time.

She is here for hip surgery and will actually give me some time before she goes in on Friday. I will pack her up some inspirational books and supplies for her hospital stay. She can aslo dig through my studio and occupy herself while I am working.

I think I have convinced her to come back when she is well and do a gut workshop for us southerners (in a Canadian sense). she is a very good teacher.

Circles

I have just heard that a local T.V. program is interested in doing some filming of me working in the studio and showing my work for the East Side Culture Crawl. They did a broadcast call for 6 artists but they asked for me! I didn't put my name forward.

How exciting!!!

This means I have to get work finished even earlier and set up the studio again...Gaahh!

Richard Nicholsen was once volunteering for me when I was doing anti-poverty work.
He put up a sign above my desk. I have used it as a motto since that time.

It goes:

When in panic,
when in doubt
run in circles
scream and SHOUT!!!

Awful Warm in Here

Vented full body fetish suit by Wolltraum.de from Germany

Full Suit including Balaclava from Wolltraum.de from Germany

Naughty Peter sent me this hilarious imagery this morning.

The women who knit this imagery are a knitting group from Germany and they range from 26 - 86 years old. They knit everything from "willywarmers" to full "fetisch" costumes.

I have made "willy warmers" since I was a teenager. My Grandfather's naughty girlfriend Mrs. MacGregor showed me how. Mine are crocheted and even more accommodating.

The full body suits remind me of a Canadian prairie childhood. Children were so confined and bundled up in knitted sweaters, snowsuits, mits, scarves and balaclavas that they could barely walk. If you tipped over you might never get up again. Everytime you got fully dressed reminded you that you had to go pee. My poor mom had four children! We were taken outdoors everyday.

I killed myself laughing at the little vent. It just reminded me of long underwear "union suits"

that we also wore in the cold winters. Ours had trap doors.

Now some fetishes really are very practical after all.

Check out the ladies website at http://wolltraum.de/index/html

Lukit the cute lil babies

Babies Oliver and Jasper at the first of many modeling gigs.

New York artist Abigail Doan's twin boys, Oliver and Jasper, have already been published.

They are cuddled up in sustainable baby gear.

Lukit those lil faces. I am completely in love.

Check out Inhabitat's weblog. The article is Inhabitat for Inhabitots!

Yikes

It is November third. I have a little more than two weeks to prepare for the crawl.

I am bone tired.

I am going to move from making the globes to making the skins I have been working with.

It goes like this...
1. Lock myself in the studio with frantic Jay and frantic Hilary.
2. Ignore Tim's pleas for companionship.
3. Ignore any exciting invitations out for tea or lunch.
4. Take Vities.
5. Find people to order around if I start to fall behind.
6. Look longingly out of the studio window.
7. Remember that this is a choice and not a sentence!

Observations

The lovely Celine answering questions about my process asked by a Tibetan Monk who works with the Dalai Lama. He asked very challenging questions. He is dressed in full robes.

Jay Rudolph asking me an interesting question at the Numen Gallery Show. Her questions are always thoughful.

The really interesting part about showing my work to the public is the questions that are inspired by it.

The funniest one today was from a couple looking very interested in the work. They had that look. It is slightly apprehensive and a bit furtive. They stepped forward in unison. Both looked directly in my eyes and said,"Where is the shoe repair guy who used to be here?".

What?

The other funny thing is that people constantly suggest that if I change my work I can start to attend craft fairs. Seriously. I love the fact that they have no idea and can't imagine that it took years of attending craft fairs in drafty church basements to get to the point where I can show in real galleries and charge real prices for my work. I can make 100 little items and make about the same price for one item made in the same amount of time.

The other question that may be strictly Canadian is "I'd like you to tell me exactly how to make that so I can make one just like it."

Answer is a big "No, I can't without having you spend 20,000 dollars or more in education fees and without having you spend years in practise. Oh and if you copy my work exactly that is called theft!!!"

I love sharing skills with people and I never mind talking about how my work is done. You just know I will never tell you everything. Not even when I'm teaching workshops. I think people just want to share their own experience with art and textiles. People making textiles are mostly alone when they do it. They spend time figuring out how to stitch and how to untie their own knots. They also invent just by the very act of stitching. They need to have their learning honoured.

Some of us, after all, just can't help poking sharp things in cloth.

Hinterland

"What Are You Aiming For?" Kirsten Chursinoff 2007

"What's going To Happen To All Those Eggs?" Kirsten Chursinoff 2007

Kirsten Chursinoff work in progress

Tonight Tim and I ventured across the bridge to the hinterland of West Vancouver. We live in East Vancouver. Dan Rather is in Vancouver tonight filming "the underbelly of the city". We live in the "underbelly'.

West Vancouver is where the wealthy people live. Really wealthy people.

Kirsten Chursinoff has a show in the hinterland and that is why we drove across the bridge to the "other side". Her show was at the West Vancouver Library. The library has a very dedicated group of volunteers who run a gallery in the library community building.

Kirsten always has the best shows because she is so very thoughtful with her presentation.
Her work is gorgeous and her palette is pleasing. She is brave enough to evolve with work that is already successful.

Two works stood out for me. One was called " What will happen to all these eggs?". It was a beautifully composed work with very cellular forms and very biological imagery placed in a
linear composition. Each individual component worked for me. That is really hard to accomplish. The other work was called "What are You Aiming For?". It was a more simple palette using black, reds , grey and white. Again the design relied on linear components.
It was reminiscent of a MacIntosh design but stitched with precision by both machine and hand.

Kirsten has also stitched a series of work that shows her incredible eye for colour. Check out "Sea Stars in the Garden". Tiny pieced applique and patches with graduated colour. Beautiful composition and precise hand work.

All in all work worth traveling to the scary part of town for!

Check out the lovely website at www.chursinoff.com

Bhug

Needleworker in Kutch, India KVMS project Maiwa Foundation Photo

I went to a really inspiring talk at the VGFA meeting last night after a frustrating day of trying to construct my CSI challenge pieces. There is nothing like extraordinary examples of textile work that is done in the most extreme conditions to make me stop whining.

Ros Aylmer brought beautiful examples of traditional and non-traditional work and very instructive slides back from her trip to Bhug, India. Her presentation was thoughtful and informed.

She was able to get photographs of the nomadic people in the region. Thier camels were fully loaded and travelling through the desert. It reminded me that we really need very little as human beings and that we can still create beautiful objects to decorate our bodies and our environments.

Governments internationally are not respecting this ability to survive in people. They have been trying to get nomadic people to settle all over the world. Children are placed in schools by well meaning groups like UNESCO. What is happening however is that knowledge is lost. Sustainable practise is lost. Beauty is disappearing and being replaced by uniformity all over the world.

I watched slide after slide of people teaching Ros and her daughter skills that have existed for four thousand years or longer. I touched the quality of the cloth and examined closely the incredible intricacy and beautiful designs that will be lost very soon if they are not protected and encouraged.

People who live with little and can pack everything they own on the back of a camel have so much to teach the rest of us about protecting this earth.

Tonight is Kirsten Chursinoff's opening at the West Vancouver library.

Plagues of Egypt

Serpent Skin 2006 Brendan Hurley New York Museum of Natural History

I am working on my CSI challenge today and have changed my theme of overwhelming fear to

the prevailing fears of our society. I guess I liken these to the plagues of Egypt.

I have been listening to a great friend lately who feels very upset by the situations caused by irresponsible decisions by corporations and governments. Global warming, housing shortages, drugs and disease. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by information about terrifying predictions. She compared what is happening to more biblical times and prediction.

She is a Jew. I am an atheist/ agnostic/ Unitarian. The stories and fears, however, are often prempted by fanatical forecasting. They don't allow us to consider solutions as carefully

I have decided my work will be about these fears. Nothing bigger and to be completed by tomorrow!

Plagues include rivers turning to blood, pestilence, boils, frogs, locust, nasty beasts etc...By tomorrow!

After Glow

I am not sure if this is after glow or fever.

Celine and Scott organized the show beautifully. Not bad at all for a first try! Not bad for a one hundredth try!

Many different kinds of people attended the Wonderland opening. There were only a few textile people there because of the Maiwa Wrap party. The majority of attendees came from other parts of the art world and community. That was quite exciting for me.

There were a group of people who attended who have been working with the Dalai Lama.
I don't think I have ever had robed Tibetan Buddist monks attend one of my shows before.
The most fascinating conversation I have ever had was with a man from Tibet named Chi Ching.
He wanted to know why I named the work "Wonderland" after Disney. He hadn't heard of Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. Trying to explain something that absurd to someone who thinks about deep meaning everyday was a challenge. The film maker Janice Wong gave me a hand. Translating absurdity between cultures is very revealing.

Chi Ching was beyond cool. He had responses to the explanations that really made me have to stretch. He immediately understood that the English are a strange. He also got the opium connections. He certainly understood absurdity and changed perceptions.

I got plenty of encouragement and inspiring comments regarding the work. One very lovely comment came from James, photographer artist from Seattle, who photographs art all the time. He described himself as rather jaded and hard to amaze. He said he was amazed by my work.

People liked playing with the looking glasses and feeling the sample books. They actually spent time reading the artist and curatorial statements. They took the cards and invited me to play.
They told me about the work they did.

What more should I ask?

I am inviting textile people to attend next Saturday between 2-4. at the Numen Gallery 1058 Mainland Street Vancouver.

Now I have to get back to work on the CSI challenge pieces so I can mail them off before deadline in two days! Hope I make it.

Wonderland

Numen Gallery Invitation postcard 2007

Numen Gallery is lovely. So are the owners Celine and Scott.They have put really careful consideration into everything.

We set up the "Wonderland" exhibition last night and edited out some of the work that may have looked great in the studio but didn't work as well in the gallery. Some of the work looked fabulous in the gallery but was so so in the studio. A good reminder to see the work in place before deciding what to show.

The white, heavily crusted globes are even more effective in these new surroundings.My favourite, however, is a tiny dark orb looking like a little toad nestled with it's companions. A few of the globes are now lit from within allowing a soft. blue light to glow through the holes. The gut balls have taken on a very sensual presence and really work with the felt balls and snake skin pupae.

You will have to come and see "Wonderland" on Saturday October 27 @2-4pm. Numen Gallery 120-1058 Mainland.

Disaster Averted

All of the large globes started to collapse and crumble in on themselves today.
Panic was too mild a description for what happened.

Logic center replaced hysteria and I proceeded to do some major problem solving.
Things collapse for the following reasons...they have been worked before completely drying, the glues are too flexible, the weight of the embellishments are too heavy, or the internal structure has been weakened with the burning process.

I was busy designing internal supports and decided to give up all together. I resorted to wailing and whining. I collapsed in a heap. I contacted the gallery and said they couldn't be shown.

I went down to the studio and proceeded to continue burning and forming. Voila! The largest ball has been resurrected and will be shown. It is stronger than ever. The most complex ball can
be saved and an internal support made from insulation foams will work tomorrow. The simplest ball might not ever be saved. I will start it from scratch again and deliver it late.

Every pore on my body is covered in emulsions and paint. I smell like a demented campfire girl
and my partner is getting crabbier because he hasn't been cuddled in awhile.

Sometimes art making is so much fun it makes social work an option again!

I love it when a gallery has a decent contract and go about things in a professional manner.

I just hate, however, pricing my work. It is fairly unique and there is obsessive detail in most pieces. Sometimes the pieces I like least have sold for the most money. Sometimes people whine about paying for something that has taken unbelievable hours to create. Usually something I love and treasure.

I have enough work I like not to feel worried about the show at Numen Gallery. The other artists who will be showing there this year are people I consider to be some of the best in Vancouver. Alice Phillips is a wonderful felter and Jeina Morosoff is my favourite glass artist ever! Celine has taken time to consider carefully who she will show and certainly has a similar aesthetic to my own.

Meanwhile... back to the ranch to finish wrapping gut around twisted vines to create little globes for inside the cases and jars. One of them is made with laminated rose petals and stuffed with silk worm cocoons. I am very happy with how they look.

Very excited about my opening on Saturday.

Choking Hazard Dolls

Choking Hazard Doll Kirsten Chursinoff 2007

Choking Hazard Doll Kirsten Chursinoff 2007

It is hard to imagine the beautiful and talented embroiderer, Kirsten Chursinoff, had a dark and dangerous room in her brain containing anything as demented as "the choking hazard dolls".

I have had intimate contact with these dolls. They were in my studio at the last Eastside Culture Crawl. I shiver in horror at them after my laughter stops. They are hideous and tempting all at the same time.

Her dolls are aptly named...Lobotomy, Edward Scissor Bear, Squished. They have everything from friendly bleeding wounds to extra long "pubes". Some of them vomit, some have stitches from failed surgeries. All are completely extreme.

When Chursinoff was asked how she decided to make them she replied,"Well I had a few parts hanging around." All in a sweet and dulcet voice to go with her angel face. Not bad for a preacher's daughter.

Check out her show at button button in Vancouver until Hallowe'en and her site at
http://www.chursinoff.com/kirsten/choking.html